Non PC fun

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke.
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.
He replies, " Yes I do, " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter.
Surprised the guy asks, "Where did you get this?"
The guy replies, " Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks, "Can I make a wish?"
"Sure," says the other man. "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"OK, I will," says the other.
As he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants.
The man says, " I want a Million Bucks."
The genie says "OK" and goes back to his bottle.
Ten seconds later a million ducks fly overhead.
And the guy says to the other, " Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn't he?"
The other man replies "You're telling me? Do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?"

[vanpa]

Gah, I read the first line of this as:

Two Men were out fisting when one decides to have a smoke.

Need moar coffee.

[Gaspard de Coligny]

Gah, I read the first line of this as:

Two Men were out fisting when one decides to have a smoke.

Need moar coffee.

Maybe slowing down on gaypr0n could halp too...

[vanpa]

Gah, I read the first line of this as:

Two Men were out fisting when one decides to have a smoke.

Need moar coffee.

Maybe slowing down on gaypr0n could halp too...

That's what I keep telling the Mrs...

[Gaspard de Coligny]

at least we know that Chokonen is balls deep in some Lemur while we are cleaning our denture and getting our night diaper ready for bedtime...

I thought he'd be long dead from the Kyoto Superclap by then...

Tsss... he developped natural immunity with his mad indiunz skillz... He's like patient √-1 or a living breathing division by 0...

oh-shit-who-the-hell-just-divided-by-zero-demotivational-poster.jpg (164.94 KiB) Viewed 505 times

[Ol Dirty Gaijin]

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, APPEARS TO kiss her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... Do whatever he tells you.. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey.. I love you.'






His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay,
Thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too...

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm so they see a doctor to find out why.
After a number of test and questions, the doctor suggests Paddy's wife may be overheating during sex.
Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate round to waft a towel on them during sex.
After 2O minutes of wafting, still no orgasm, and so his friend suggests a swap.
"I'll shag her and you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.
Paddy turns to his friend slowly and says... "And that my old son is how you waft a fuckin towel"

[GomiGirl]

International Banking Crisis!!

If the global crisis continues at the present rate, by the end of this year only two banks will be left operational....the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank!!
And before you know it, these two will merge, and the whole place will be full of bloody wankers.

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

A widower was devoted to his only daughter and naturally was concerned when she decided not only to get married but to marry a Greek. Blushing furiously, he sat her down to discuss the facts of life, but she brushed him off, assuring him she knew all about those things and not to worry.

"Well, just one thing," the father implored. "If he asks you to turn over, you don't have to."

The young couple got married and were extremely happy until about six months had gone by. Embracing his wife in bed, the Greek said, "Why don't you roll over, dearest?"

"Oh, no, you don't!" she said. "My father said if I don't want to, I don't have to."

"What's a matter?" he asked. "Don't you wanna get pregnant?"

[GomiGirl]

(Where is the spit coffee all over the keyboard smiley?)

[Hammer]

And God promised man that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.

The He made the earth round ... and laughed His arse off ...

[Russell]

And God promised man that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.

The He made the earth round ... and laughed His arse off ...

You mean... it isn't square?!?

[IparryU]

And God promised man that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.

The He made the earth round ... and laughed His arse off ...

You mean... it isn't square?!?

fucking nut job...

best part is here:
http://www.rogermwilcox.com/square_earth_mailbag.html

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

[Hammer]

humerus.jpg (6.65 KiB) Viewed 398 times

[Gaspard de Coligny]

I was in a pub the other night. Had a few brews when I noticed two rather large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

Lulz...

[IparryU]

I was in a pub the other night. Had a few brews when I noticed two rather large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

Lulz...

sounds like something an American would say lol!

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

I was at an S&M party with my cock in this woman's arse when I realised I'd forgotten my toys.
Right at that moment, she moaned, "Aren't you going to spank me?
I was a bit worried and thought to myself, "For fucks sake, what am I gonna do? I'm up shit creek without a paddle."

[Hammer]

Wife walks into the kitchen and sees her husband tooling around with a fly swatter.

"Did you kill any?" she asked.

"Yes" he replied, "Three males and two females".

"How can you tell their sex?" she asked.

"Three were on the beer can, the other two were on the phone."

[Screwed-down Hairdo]

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."